In the real estate business, you meet all sorts of colorful characters. But none quite compare to Jack.

It all started when I listed one of my properties on Zillow. Out of the blue, I got an inquiry from a guy named Jack, who claimed he was living in California but planning a move to Florida to open a Chinese restaurant. He asked for a video tour of the property, and I obliged.

After the virtual tour, he was completely sold. He wanted to rent the house right then and there.

Standard procedure, right? I told him to complete a background check and we would take it from there. I sent him the link, and that’s when things started getting… interesting.

The 805 Credit Score and the Invisible Visa

Instead of a completed background check, I got a text back explaining there was a delay. But Jack wanted to make sure I knew he was a catch: he casually mentioned his credit score was 805 and his monthly income was over $100,000.

I wasn’t biting. “Great,” I told him, “but you still have to do the background check.”

Next came the excuses. Apparently, there was a major issue with his partner and his cook’s visas to get into the US. The move was on hold, but Jack’s texting thumbs were just getting warmed up.

“Why You Say I AI?”

What followed was a months-long “relationship” where Jack texted me about his daily activities. He’d send photos, share random quips, and check in constantly.

Because I was actually running a business, I rarely responded. Whenever I did, it was usually just to tell him I was incredibly busy working. But Jack was relentless. It got so strange and frequent that I finally just texted him:

“Are you an AI?”

Instantly, my phone started ringing. I picked it up, and a very real, very indignant voice came through the speaker: “Why you say I AI?!”

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. In that exact moment, he reminded me so much of Long Duk Dong from Sixteen Candles.

The Hustle (and the Clean Break)

Needless to say, the background check never happened. But Jack had a pivot ready. Seeing how “hard” I was working, he generously offered to help me invest my money so I wouldn’t have to grind so much.

Ah, the hustle.

I politely declined, advising him that I didn’t really like the look of the market right now.

The bizarre text saga finally came to an end when I messaged him a few weeks later to let him know I was actually headed to California myself, looking forward to meeting him in person. Apparently, that broke the spell. I never heard from him again. Lol.

In this game, you never know if your next lead is a tenant, a pen pal, or a crypto-hustler in disguise. Keep your boundaries firm, your background checks mandatory, and your sense of humor intact!